The 22 Most Expensive Christmas Gifts Money Can Buy

is a holiday centered around spending time with family, reflecting on the past year, and celebrating life and love. But more importantly, it’s about buying stuff. And while most of us are content with clothes, electronics, and maybe a BluRay or two, for the wealthiest of the wealthy, only the most extravagant and expensive gifts are acceptable during the holiday giving season. What are the most expensive luxury gifts you can buy for family and friends who have it all? This holiday shopping guide for the extremely wealthy is here to help you decide!
If you have a titan of industry, scion of wealth, or Dowager Countess in your social circle and just don’t know what to drop a few hundred thousand dollars on, let this be your guide for very expensive presents. These are the most ridiculously expensive Christmas presents of all time. Each comes with a handy link so you don’t have to waste valuable seconds looking up hot to buy it. Or, have one of your take care of it while you enjoy cigars and brandy in the drawing room.
When a new tie just doesn’t cut it for dear old , and you know Mom won’t be happy with new shades from the Sunglass Hut, turn to the items below, like gold-plated sunglasses or a Batmobile golf cart! Make this Christmas one to remember, by putting Santa in his place and going big with these absurdly expensive gifts.

A Giant Infared Healing Clam

The Infrared Supine Sauna is a personal sauna that uses an array of tiny infrared lights to penetrate deeply into aching tissue. It’s also full of jade stones, which have some kind of application in traditional Chinese medicine. But more importantly, it will let you simulate the feeling of being eaten by a humungous clam.
Cost: $14,000

A Child-Size BMW

If your little ones are too good to slum it in a plastic car or tricycle, get them this 3/5th’s size replica of a Blanc Chateau 1936 BMW. It’s handmade in France, can quickly be delivered anywhere in Europe, and will give your pint-size lords and ladies good practice at berating the chauffeur.
Cost: $19,650 (approximately)

24 Carat Gold Shoelaces

Once you’ve pulled yourself up by your bootstraps, you can lace them up with these custom-made gold shoelaces, made by shoelace maker to the stars, Mr. Kennedy. Only ten will ever be made, but they’ll be delivered to you anywhere in the world, and presumably will fit whatever shoe you want them to. One would think.
Cost: $19,000 (or, if you’re cheap, get the silver shoelaces for only $3,000)

7 Harmonicas Signed by Bob Dylan

You’ve seen the Bard of Minnesota in concert dozens of times and own all his albums, so why not take the next step and own some musical actually touched by the man himself? This is a set of seven harmonicas, one in each key, each signed by Dylan. They come in an attractive ebony box and were made in Germany, so you know they’re efficient and streamlined. Also, free shipping!
Cost: $25,000 (currently out of stock!)
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The Bat Golf Cart

When taking a break from defeating super villains, protecting Gotham City, and sprucing up stately Wayne manor, likes to hit the links. And he doesn’t mess around with ordinary golf carts, no. He trundles around Gotham’s finest courses in his own personalized, heavily armored and extremely badass golf cart that has six tires and can go 38 miles per hour.
Cost: $28,500

A Huge Spherical Labyrinth for a Wooden Marble

The Superplexus is “a complex network of chicanes, multi-planar hairpin turns, spirals, and staircases” in service of moving a wooden ball from beginning to end in 425 turns Why do you do this? Because you can!, Plus,it’s huge, made of Finnish wood, and has a really cool name.
Cost: $30,000

A Secret Agent Rocket Aqua Suit

Do you have an unmet need for a high-powered rocket suit in the course of your underwater commando operations? Not anymore! This replica of a U.S. Navy special operations outfit is so specialized that you need to get approval from the Department of Defense just to buy it. But it lets you at over 3 knots underwater, giving you ample speed to rescue stolen nuclear from SPECTRE, or just race fish.
Cost: $31,500

Seven Foot Tall Robby the Robot Statue That’s Not an Actual Robot

Take your obsession with the 60 year old  Forbidden Planet to its apex with this gigantic statue of the robot from the movie. It’s made of fiberglass and comes with a CD that allows you to replay Robby’s lines from the . But in no way is this an actual robot, and it does nothing that a robot might actually be expected to do.
Cost: $32,000.

His and Hers Adventure Quadskis

You love your spouse a lot, right? Sure you do. But do you love them enough to buy matching his and hers Vilebrequin Quadskis? You should, because these cool vehicles are prime for adventuring in both land and water, can go 45 miles per hour (faster than the Bat Golf Cart) and come with Go Pro cameras to record all of your shenanigans. Plus, they come with a trip to Florida for a personalized safety briefing.
Cost: $50,000

A 17-Piece Band in a Wooden Box

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The Self-Contained Hootenanny will replace your iPod, Spotify account, and MP3 collection and become the only musical thing you’ll need in your life. Played by air-driven tubes, the guitar, bass synth and various drums built into the Hootenanny can play 15,000 different tunes. It’s a veritable no-man band!
Cost: $54,000

Really, Really, Really, Really Nice Linens

Leontine Linens Home Trousseau aren’t your typical linens. With ultra-luxurious bed sheets, comforter covers, towels, shams, pillow covers and dinner napkins, you can outfit every room in your house with threads so amazing you’ll never want to drape yourself in anything else ever again. They’re custom made and arrive pressed and ready for luxuriating.
Cost: $55,000

Insanely Expensive Speakers that Look Like Giant Snails

Featuring mathematically precise, tapering wave-guiding tubes, The Optimal Resonance Speakersoffer three-dimensional sound verified to within 1/3000th of a millimeter using laser-doppler velocimetry. This is the highest possible fidelity in sound, and will revolutionize the way you hear superheroes and villains destroying cities. But they don’t come with amplifiers. You’re on your own there.
Cost: $60,000

A Super Modern Glass Pool Table

The ultramodern G-1 Glass Pool Table will make any Man Cave look like a futuristic romper room. 15 millimeter thick glass provides a shock-proof surface, and see-through pockets allow you to see your shots hit home from any angle.
Cost: $73,000

100th Anniversary Maserati

Celebrate a century of ludicrously expensive cars with the 100th Anniversary Neiman Marcus Limited-Edition Maserati Ghibli S Q4. Only 100 were made, and it goes from 0 to 60 in 4.7 seconds, should you ever want to risk taking it out into traffic. Premium leather interior? Check. Lacquered trim? Oh yeah. Rain sensors? DUH! This is a luxury car for luxury people.
Cost: $95,000

A Combination Jewelry Safe/Humidor

The Connoisseur’s Vault is the ultimate in luxury home protection. It features three separate safes with pockets for rings, necklaces and other jewelry, along with a safe for watches, and, of course, a climate controlled humidor for your priceless illegal Cuban cigars. It’s protected by steel walls and bolts, and is fireproof, waterproof, and could probably survive a low-yield nuclear bomb.
Cost: $155,000

A Custom Made Historical Slot Car Track with Integrated Cameras

Classic racing fans will rev up for this 1:32 scale slot car reconstruction of their favorite historical tracks. With custom-made, period accurate cars, advertising, foliage, clothing and pit crews, this is the ultimate gift for people who want to pretend they’re driving insanely expensive cars around Europe in the 60s. It takes six months to build, comes with built-in mini cameras for watching races unfold, and each piece is made by hand.
Cost: $300,000 (Shipping not included.)

Paulie’s Human-Mimicking Robot from ROCKY IV

Paulie may have wanted a sports car, not no walking trash can, but his loss can be your gain. The Celebrity Robotic Avatar runs by remote control, and its limbs move with wires that are virtually invisible. It can mimic human conversation and movements, and dance using lifelike gestures. And, of course, it can get beers for famous boxers’ crusty brothers-in-law.
Cost: $345,000

The Most Expensive Sunglasses in Human History

Dolce and Gabbana’s DG2027B sunglasses are almost certainly the most expensive in the world, with their solid gold frame and diamond studded pieces. But they will also shade your eyes, which is priceless on a sunny day.
Cost: $383,609

A Unique Fragrance Designed Just For You, In Paris

The House of Creed Bespoke Fragrance Journey is a one-of-a-kind consultation with Master Perfumer Olivier Creed, during which a unique scent will be developed just for you, working off your tastes and physical traits. You’ll be whisked off to Paris for a week of luxuriating and perfume consultations, then, a few months later, you’ll receive 24 14-karat gold-gilded six-liter flacons and 12 14-karat gold-accented leather atomizers featuring your special perfume.
Cost: $475,000

A Gold-Plated Vacuum Cleaner

The GoVacuum GV62711 is a solid piece of cleaning machinery, featuring a high-performing 10 amp motor, a 14 inch cleaning nozzle, anti-marring wheels, and weighing a sleek 16 pounds. Also, it’s gold plated, and there are only 100 in existence. The million dollar vacuum is the ultimate picker-upper for the tycoon who has everything, but nothing to clean it up with. It also has its own rap!
Cost: $999,999 (Down from $1 million!)
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Your Own Personal Cargo Ship

Have a burning need to ship bulk cargo across the Pacific? Or maybe a vehicle for super villain plans, like a floating aqua world or missile platform? Chinese e-commerce site Alibaba is where you want to go, to have your own cargo ship built by “shipping startup” company Yizheng Xinyang Shipbuilding Co., Ltd. Give them what you need your ship to carry, how big it has to be and how much it should weigh, and 6 months later, you’ll be on your way to dominating the shipping lanes.
Cost: $1-2 million

The Sports Car That’s Also a Submarine

Inspired by the submarine Lotus sports car from The Spy Who Loved Me, the Submarine Sports Car floats when you drive it into water, and can submerge with the pull of a lever. It’s good for diving up to 33 feet, and has scuba tanks with enough oxygen for an hour. It’s also got a steel chassis, is impervious to salt corrosion, and can be powered for up to 80 miles of driving by its batteries. It doesn’t come with James Bond, however.
Cost: $2 million